“I sometimes long for the old days, without all those technological gadgets”

Was everything better in the past, or does “now” also have its advantages? Different generations discuss social themes on the basis of propositions. This time, Karin van der Hulst (61) and her daughter Lotte Korpershoek (30). 

Lotte about herself: “I’m basically the rebel of the family; I do what I want. For example, I recently had my entire neck tattooed. Many people think that's intense, but I like it. Although my appearance might suggest otherwise, inside I am a soft-boiled egg. I work in home care three days a week and I am the mother of my 6-year-old daughter Saar.” 

Karin about her daughter: “It bothers me sometimes when she gets another tattoo - as a parent you think, is this what you really want to do? But on the other hand, it suits her and she can take anything. Besides, I used to be like that myself. I had a very short haircut and got my ears pierced, and my parents didn’t like that at all. Lot and I are very much alike. We have an incredible bond because of that. She lives in the same town and works just down the street, so we see each other almost every day. I admire Lot’s warmth and spontaneity. She always has an eye for what others need.”  

Karin about herself: “I am married to Peter and we have four children and seven grandchildren together. For many years I worked in childcare at a swimming pool, but when it closed during Covid, I decided to take early retirement. I figured I’d worked enough.” 

Lotte about her mother: “My mother is very sweet to me, and she is always there for me. We only need half a word to understand each other. It’s true that we are quite similar. Unfortunately, we also share our worst trait: we have zero patience.” 

Proposition: A good life is attainable for anyone in the Netherlands 

Lotte: “Yes, I agree with that. If you really want it, it is possible.” 

Karin: “The social safety net is generous. Maybe even a little too much. I think that some people abuse it sometimes. One of my daughters is a single mother with four children, but she works almost full time to make ends meet, while in her street there are many people sitting at home all day, doing nothing. I see cars parked outside their doors and I think: how is that possible? That bothers me sometimes.” 

Lotte: “Yes, I notice that too. Especially the slightly older generation, who benefit from a certain favorable scheme that they would lose if they went back to work. I don’t think that’s fair. I don’t understand why they don’t check it more carefully.” 

Proposition: Technological progress is inherently good  

Lotte: “In this day and age, when we are all so busy, we hardly know how to live without technological advances. I am already happy that there is a delayed start on my washing machine, for example, so that I can time it so the laundry is ready exactly when I get home from work.” 

Karin: “It’s all a bit much for me at times. I sometimes long for the old days, without all those technological gadgets. Everyone is on their phone all the time, children are often gaming on their iPads. Go outside, I think. It’s nice to have a washing machine, but I don’t use the dryer. I prefer to hang my laundry outside on the line, that makes me happy. All these things have been invented and we can’t go back. I sometimes regret that. Doing the dishes used to be quite an event. We did it together, we sang at the top of our lungs and had good conversations, so special. Those were good times.” 

Lotte, laughing: “Well, we were not all that excited about doing the dishes. But seriously: you did take the time to really listen to each other back then.” 

Proposition: People used to watch out for each other more 

Lotte: “For us, when I talk about our family, that doesn't apply. We look out for each other and for others a lot. But I do notice that outside of that, it’s not so much like that. To give an example: when I see someone eating, I always say ‘Bon appetit’. But when we were walking in the city the other day and I did that, the person I said that to just about fell off his chair in surprise.” 

Karin: “But we just keep doing that anyway. I have noticed that, especially since Covid, people live more in their own little world. That worries me.” 

Lotte: “I think, in any case, people could be a little more considerate of each other. The world would be a much better place for it.”  

Proposition: You have to be so careful when you say anything these days 

Karin: “Yes, at least it is said more often that you should not say something. People take everything personally and many subjects are sensitive. Sometimes you don’t mean anything wrong, but it is misunderstood. I think tolerance is hard to find.” 

Lotte: “Yes, you think extra about everything: is it okay to say this? Is it okay to do this? For example, my daughter will soon be having an event at school, with the theme ‘come as what you want to be’. She wants to wear an army outfit, but I find that a bit sensitive, with the war in Ukraine. That kind of thing.” 

Proposition: We are very prudish nowadays 

Karin: “When I look at today’s video clips, they don’t look prudish to me. I was not very prudish myself, even though I was raised that way.” 

Lotte: “You didn’t raise us to be prudish either.” 

Karin: “Well, I seem to remember that we had no problem with nudity, and you were the one that had a problem with us wanting to put a new glass shower door in the bathroom.” 

Lotte: “Hmm, I don’t know where I get that from, but I’m always conscious of what I want to show or not show. That is also how I am raising my daughter. I don’t mind if she makes videos for TikTok, but only fully dressed and she always has to show them to me first. Decency is important to me. Especially since I became a mom, public nudity seems to bother me more. I would never lie down topless on the beach, for example. I don’t consider that decent.” 

Proposition: The gap between the rich and the poor keeps getting bigger  

Lotte: “Absolutely. They should take more money from the rich. If you have a lot, you can afford to give more, I’d say.” 

Karin: “Then again, I find the discussion about taxing home ownership a tricky one. My husband and I have almost paid off our mortgage and have worked hard for years to do so. It wouldn’t feel fair to us if we were suddenly taxed more. But, on the other hand, it’s not fair for our youngest daughter to pay 2000 euros a month in rent and not be able to buy. I think that is really awful.” 

Lotte: “I have a good life. But it is getting more and more expensive. It’s practically impossible to live on one income as parents, nowadays. You both have to work, or you won’t be able to make ends meet. We basically spend an entire month’s wages on basic expenses like mortgage and utilities, and we don’t even have that big a mortgage.” 

Karin: “I had the luxury of being able to stay home when the kids were little. Once they were all in school, I went back to work. I’m noticing that we are often asked to babysit the grandchildren now. I love doing it and I love them, of course, but sometimes I think: my husband and I want to do things for ourselves too, now that we have reached this age. These days, there is a lot of pressure on grandparents because the parents work so much. And I see a lot of grandparents at the school, picking up the kids. I don’t think we are meant to be the ones raising the grandchildren.” 

Proposition: Kids these days, they will never amount to anything 

Karin: “I think every generation lumps the young people together. Our parents said the same thing: those kids will never amount to anything. And although you think you’ll never say that yourself, you end up doing it anyway. You are still inclined to think that it was better in your time. But I don’t really believe that today’s youth is so hopeless.” 

Lotte: “There are always a few bad apples; that’s just the way it is. But if I encounter a nuisance from a group of young people, for example, then I try to talk to them, in a positive way. To get them to change their minds. For example: hey, I understand that you are here and you’re having a good time, but would you mind toning it down a bit? Then the problem is solved. Everyone should have a place to develop themselves, especially young people.” 

Karin: “Lotte also went through a phase where she was hanging around the mall with a group of friends. I would hear about that from other people.” 

Lotte: “It was just fun.” 

Karin: “Other people didn’t like it. They’d say to me: I’d drag her out of there by the hair. But I knew: she’ll probably be into something else again in a couple of weeks. She was searching. I think we should put ourselves in their shoes more. If we all do that and we are all a little more considerate of each other, everything will be fine.” 

Proposition: Everything was better in the past 

Lotte: “I was a lot more relaxed when I was a child. Now I constantly have this sense of agitation and I experience quite a bit of stress. We used to communicate very differently and we used to enjoy playing outside. Yes, my experience is that things were better in the past.” 

Karin: “I think so too. We lived in a “woonerf” (living street); you don’t see those anymore either. The whole neighborhood played together, the children were always outside. In the neighborhood where we live now, hardly anyone watches out for each other. I don’t even know who our neighbors across the street are. That really bothers me. More and more municipalities are merging, which means that the village feeling of everyone knows everyone is disappearing. It is all becoming so impersonal.”