Balancing career and parenthood

International Women’s Day is a time to reflect on issues that affect women. This year, APG is focusing on a topic that affects not only many women, but also an increasing number of men: the combination of work and parenthood. APG's Anke Cornelisse and Steve Goossens share their experiences of the challenges and the positive aspects of working while raising a young family. Their stories show how important flexibility, good communication and the right support are. 

After the birth of a child, many things change, both in your personal and your professional life. Research shows that mothers often see their income and career opportunities stagnate, while fathers generally continue their careers uninterrupted. Anke is experiencing this herself now. As a portfolio manager and mother, she realizes how challenging it is to be pregnant, give birth, and then return to a demanding job. “You don’t want a pregnancy to get in the way of your career, so you try to show your problems as little as possible. But that only makes it harder.” Many mothers end up feeling pressure to work fewer hours, which unintentionally contributes to the income gap. Women also find that their maternity leave sometimes leads to a delay in their career. “I often hear that promotions take longer because you ‘produced less’ for a few months. While you have literally produced a new life,” says Anke. 

Combination of work and caring
It is not only mothers who face these challenges. Steve Goossens, real estate portfolio manager, had a daughter in July 2024 and takes one day of parental leave every week. “I will never get that time back with my daughter, and I am glad that I can consciously experience this.” Yet that day off is not really free. “Friday is my dad day, but I still work during naps and in the evenings. Sometimes I have to arrange for a babysitter because of appointments. In practice, it comes down to a combination of working and caring. But personally, I really like that. One moment I’m singing songs in the pool, and a few minutes later I’m sitting at my laptop working on investment proposals.”

Steve initially had doubts about paternity leave. “I was the first in my team to take it, and nobody knew exactly how it would turn out. I still have the same ambitions and want to deliver the same output. Having your supervisor’s trust is crucial in this. If you were ambitious and worked hard before the arrival of your child, that does not change after the birth, of course.”

The employer’s role
Both Anke and Steve emphasize the importance of support from the organization. “As an employer, you can help parents of young children by being flexible and having open discussions,” says Anke. “It should be normal for mothers and fathers to be able to fulfill their role as a parent without it being at the expense of their career.” Steve adds: “If men take on more care responsibilities, a large part of the inequality in the workplace will disappear. But more opportunities for that are needed.”

Keep talking
Anke emphasizes how important it is to keep talking to managers and colleagues. “When I returned after my first pregnancy, I had to really search for the right balance. Because of sleepless nights and all that pumping, you don’t take on too many tasks, and your colleagues are also careful not to overload you. In my case, that backfired because I actually get more energy from just getting back to work full force. I’ll know that for next time.” She also sees that many women are inclined to work fewer hours: not because they necessarily want to spend more time with their child, but to solve practical problems. “I considered working part-time because I couldn’t find childcare and I couldn’t see how I was going to combine it all. That insight gave me the strength to look for other solutions.”

Steve shares a similar experience: “I won’t be working part-time after my parental leave. Because even if you work one day less on paper, there’s a good chance that you’ll still work more than your regular hours because you were already used to working evenings and weekends. So you actually get paid less for the same number of hours. I am all too aware of how lucky we are to have been given a spot at the daycare center, and to have the help of grandfathers and grandmothers. At the same time, I am in favor of more flexibility in combining work and children, instead of working fewer hours. It’s about having confidence that you will do your job, regardless of the exact hours you spend doing it.” He believes that the conversation about this should be more open, so that both fathers and mothers feel they have the space to better combine their work and family.

Looking for a solution together
Parents who want to combine work and family life can benefit greatly from sharing experiences with others. Thinking in advance about how you want to combine parenthood and career helps you make conscious choices. In addition, look for role models within the company. Hearing from several parents how they do it also gives you more options to choose from. For example, in retrospect, I would have liked to start working a little earlier and then build up more slowly. I never considered that option the first time around. And keep talking to your supervisor about options. Employers play an important role. They can support parents of young children by facilitating flexible working and normalizing parental leave. In addition, it is essential to base promotions not only on past experience, but also on potential. That would give women who temporarily worked less due to pregnancy the same opportunities as their male colleagues.

Anke and Steve argue that it is possible to be both an ambitious employee and an engaged parent at the same time. With the right support and flexibility, a good balance can be found where parents can give both their careers and their families the attention they deserve. It’s worth the effort to make it work together.